Kevin's Exploration of Normality

Personal Expo Wrapup

2007-07-04T00:15:57Z

I almost feel like I am one of the few who was prepared for the unavoidable Expo drama =) And we enough drama to fill an ocean. Somehow I came out of it on the plus side, meaning I had more fun than the drama could destroy. Shoot, even the drama had its entertainment value, and I don't mean that as an insult to anyone. I have to look at these things as amusing or I go insane. Strangely enough, however, I do not have the con withdrawal I had after Anizona. Anizona may have sucked raw, but there was literally no drama.

The major drama, for me, is the miscommunication. He said she said they said, or no one said anything. It almost cost me dearly in friendship, and then caused a major internal conflict about trust. I say internal because it made me reflect on my own trust "issues". How to best describe this...

There were two relatively new people in the group this year, neither of which I really know. The first is quiet and has a few eccentric oddities. The second is loud and crude, and definitely likes to push my moral buttons. Because I am more similar to the first, I naturally placed more trust in the first. This also caused me to overlook the rest of the groups' opinions on the person. Meanwhile, the loud individual's personality continually clashed with mine, which led me to trust them less. At this point, any contest between the two I would naturally place my trust in the first and not the second. I made a mistake here, I should have taken into account the rest of the groups' opinions. However, the miscommunication comes in at the end of the trip, when the second individual reveals to me actual evidence of a crime within the group. If they had informed me of this earlier, a lot of pain could have been avoided.

This may all sound horrid, but, again, the trip was very good overall. My costume worked out great! Me and Sherri (My adopted sister!) struck poses for hundreds of cameras and even nabbed an interview with coin-op.tv. Of course I also flew solo for a bit after Sherri's feet finally caved to blisters. Managed to get a couple small magazine shots and somehow MTV managed to grab some footage, enough for me to need to sign a release form.

Even the non-costume events were great. I must've walked the vendor room 20 times with a variety of people on the trip. I picked up the manga I was looking for, had some nice meals, and laughed a whole lot. I also stayed out late every night, wanting to enjoy as much of the Con experience as possible. That might be why I missed a lot of the drama as well until it hit a head =)

I do have one regret! I didn't have the opportunity to drink around Con late with Steve and Rand =) I had saved money for that! Silly people always pooping out early. Major props to Jamie and Leah, I spent more time with them than anyone this weekend!

Uncompleteness!

2007-06-27T05:46:54Z

So I lost four good weeks of preparation for Expo. Despite this, I almost have a complete costume. Almost, except for the major piece. My sword is not finished! So tonight when I realized there was no way I would be able to complete the detailing, I thought up a plan so I could hide the unfinished part and still be able to take the sword!

The blade and the handle are done. The center, the part with all the tricky cuts, is only, say, 25% complete. If I had two more days I could complete it, it's just that damned center part of the blade. I can't cut it directly because I'd have to hack off two of the orbs. I thought about hacking them and then gluing them back on after, but then I found another way. That way, however, was taking me about 5 minutes per cut out of a needed 20 or so cuts. Then I'd have to find a way to complete the cuts needed to sphere the orbs. It's like a huge math problem! The sanding would take a few hours as well, since there are many small areas I'd have to get into.

Tomorrow I will do a little more sanding since the cut gave me a bit more time. I want the part that is done to sparkle. Then I will seal it, paint it, then seal it again. The center I am going to wrap in the medium length fur! It keeps it rugged and appealing while hiding the ickies. Then after Expo, being able to relax, I will finish the last bits of it.

Summer of woe!

2007-06-10T05:52:40Z

The school year ends, and I happily settle into summer. Two days later, I am assailed by the first of two major gallbladder attacks. Leah's Mom surprised me when she told me the only pain comparable to a gallbladder attack is a heart attack. At least I know a decent pain threshold now.

Last year brother Jason went through a serious gallbladder infection, and I heard all sorts of horror stories about how the doctors couldn't decide what was wrong or what to do. Meanwhile, his body started absorbing all the pain meds until, finally, he found someone willing to operate. Watching him in his agony, I hoped never to experience anything like that. Irony! Luckily my doctors all agree on the problem and solution. On Thursday I am getting it removed.

I blamed my first attack on a weekend of high-fat foods. I went to the emergency room, they plugged me full of morphine, and a few hours later sent me on my marry way with a note saying I should return if it happens again within two weeks. The pain from the first attack subsided within 24 hours, and I was even able to lift weights again after only a day of rest. Then, exactly 14 days later, to the hour even, the second attack came. This time there wasn't an excess of fat in my diet. I wasn't too concerned about it, because I had Percocet! I took 1... nothing. I took another... nothing. I took two more... nothing. I took two more... nothing. I now had six in my body, three times the prescribed limit. Yes, we do silly things when our minds are mush. I went to the emergency room again, and this time the doctor wanted to schedule the removal immediately. Perhaps I should have done so!

I am at the two week mark again tomorrow, and unlike the first attack, the pain still hasn't subsided. I assume there is an infection. This week I've been attending classes, being sure to keep my activity level low. Then I decided to go to club meetings and an Anizona meeting. I was feeling pretty good from Tuesday on, almost normal even. Well, being up and about and active totally drained me. It all culminated again today at the Anizona meeting, and I am certain at this moment I am still experiencing another mild attack. Mild because the pain comes and goes. My diet these past couple weeks has been Zero fat. Well, the doctors told me that eliminating fat is good, but no garentee on preventing an attack.

You know what I am thinking now? Maybe I should have listened to Sherri and stayed home =) I am torn by responsibility and the need for some social interaction. Responsibility: I want to do my best to be sure OU will be a success. Social: I want to be with friends.

One thing I don't worry about is the club. I love you guys =)

So, I will shift responsibility to my health. OU will survive a few more weeks. My expected date of recovery is: July 7th. You may notice this is after Expo, but don't worry. I am still going, and I will still have my costume done!

Sleeeeepy!

2007-05-14T19:27:51Z

I don't get his way often, only when I am deprived of sleep. I am blessed in this, it doesn't happen often! So what kept me up you are thinking about asking? Pain, endless and debilitating.

For Mother's Day we invited my sister up to do her famous Lasagna. It has two layers of cheese, cottage cheese, oil, sausage, and beef. That is, like, greasy times 2103. Well, so happens my family has a history with gallbladder problems, and I've experienced this before.

A brief gallbladder lesson! Our body can't break down fats the same way it does sugars. To do so, the gallbladder secretes bile to emulsify the fat and slowly break it down. But! Gallbladders can't get rid of waste that finds its way inside. Just like a clam making pearls, the gallbladder forms stones. These stones interrupt the flow of bile, which is insanely painful. This is why some people have their gallbladder removed.

Well, beginning of next year mine will be removed.

So, I have no medical insurance. I entered the emergency room this morning knowing I'd have to give my first born in payment. Well, the service was great! They had me in a room in 30 minutes, had me drugged, of which I required 3x the morphine dosage of normal. After all was said and done, they let me know that since they are a non-profit hospital, if you are uinsured and pay your bill in full before 14 days pass, you get 75% off the bill. 75% !??!?! That is how they qualify non-profit: charity.

So Expo is still on for me! Honestly, I would have gone even if I had to pay the 5 grand.

On a side note, I wrote all that while drugged. Percocet.

She responded! <3

2007-05-03T00:33:04Z

She told me she chose not to date until after college! Now, I could look at this all negative and get all depressed or whatever, or I could be me and be eternally optimistic. I like that more =)

Out of everything I am doing right now, the only thing that caused me any sort of stress is not having any resolution to that question. Now that the question is answered, and things are back to normal, I am extremely relieved. Everything else in my life is fairly controllable, so even if I do have 2973829 things on the docket, it's not so stressful.

However, this does all raise another question in my ever-wandering thoughts. I pursue things out of passion. I pursued her out of passion. If she is calm enough to remain steady facing that, then perhaps she doesn't share that passion. That could mean no spark, no chemistry, and thus no future.

How can I think this and stay optimistic? It helps me move on. I can't wait two or more years for something that may not happen.

So yeah.

2007-04-30T07:53:07Z

You might think I've been gone for X number of years. In reality, I never stopped posting. I moved to Blogspot for a while, did some funny stuff there. Then I moved to MySpace. How'd I end up back here again? Everything in cycles! That's a popular theme for me. In truth, I like the ease of use and customization here more.

Over the years I've used "Strange" and "Odd" and the like, but I am slowly finding I have everything in common with everyone, amplified. I kinda knew this the whole time, but pretending to be odd helped me maintain my isolation. That doesn't mean I'm not odd in the general sense: I still say random things, think even more random ones, and write about the strangest ones sometimes. I kinda changed that last part from "Odd" to "Abstract" though.

Why the change? Well, I don't have so much a problem with discussing my life anymore. If you look back in this journal, I did that often, talking about my dreams and events back in Nebraska so long ago now. When I moved to BlogSpot, I disassociated myself. That's the whole cycle thing coming back again. I tended to reveal things about my life in abstractions, which everyone read but no one understood, since I kept the meanings to myself. How does that help me if my friends don't know what's in my head?

So, in that spirit, I've had a tough weekend. I'll freely admit I am quite a bit more emotional than most men. I may not ball at the sad arts of movies, but I do choke up and water. I do have some testosterone left. And I lift weights. *defends manhood* So, my tough weekend. I am mesmerized by this young woman I met a few months ago. Whenever I am around her, I feel completely comfortable. When I am not near her, I long to be. She knows I have some kind of feelings for her. How can she not, since I've very literally admitted them. At the very point where I think I could be pushing her away, she brings me back. Now, this could be because she has very few close friends, something I can relate to. Whenever I try bringing up anything serious, as I am normally an insanely witty and sarcastic conversationalist, there is an awkward moment. Then I stumble.

No, she isn't an evil genius tormenting me. I think it's a lot of miscommunication or misinterpretation. There may also be something about her, from her past, which would explain the oddness. Either case, I have no idea what is running around in her head. It's this grand mystery.

*zzzzzzzzz*

Status on other things

2004-05-16T05:42:59Z

Yes, status. My left mind is quite in charge right now. You know, I think two years ago the two sides actually got along. Now both sides are immensely amused at the whole situation.

Over the past two years the number of story ideas saved on my computer has tripled. I still have not worked on any of them, pretty much decided to save that for my later years. I still have my dreams, though I don't write them down. Who knows, if this writing inspiration continues maybe some will reach text of some kind. I can still release myself from whatever in a breath.

I always wondered... You find yourself spiritually, bask in enlightenment, raise an eyebrow to the world. After you accoplish this, what next? You'd assume you'd remain in this glorious state of peace for the remainder of your natural life. After having lived it for three years, I can say this is a half truth. You are in that same state of peace, but, like many things, the initial drunken bliss has apparently evaporated. This is now a part of my life.

Oh my. That wasn't very left sided. Perhaps writing again will restore some balance!

What, what is this?!?

2004-05-16T05:24:33Z

Remember those phases I go through where I don't feel like writing? I had one, and it lasted a couple years it seems. So much personal, mental and spiritual growth can happen in two years. How about you? Have you grown since my last journal update?

I gave my natural cycles a name, Flux. They occur more frequent now than two years ago, giving me plenty of time to study their causes and eventual dismissal. I am convinced my mind fights a war with itself, and given the exponential growth of the Flux periods I would say one side is gaining an advantage.

What exactly is Flux? While in flux I have my clearest abstract thoughts, am wholy disconnected from the world, and wish only to lose the control I have gained over everything. While this sounds positive, my thoughts in this state tend to be negative, thus the lack of desire for social contact, including writing.

These periods tend to end after a good night's sleep. I wake in the morning and re-assess the musings of the previous night and convince myself I was full of shit. This is the side of my mind that wants control. This control isn't a bad thing, as all I desire is control over myself. In learning the various designs of control I have learned to identify it in the world at large. This control has brought peace and balance to my world.

Yet I am constantly at odds with myself over which I prefer: Control or loss of Control. You may be familiar with the left VS right brain concept. Those are my two warring halves. Taking bets on the winner!

Flies wake up at 7:30am

2002-10-30T04:19:56Z

For the past three nights I have been watching my Father's house, still got 4 or more to go. I found myself a strange natural alarm clock, a fly. It might not be the same one, I have killed about 8 since I've been here.

7:30 on the nose, a fly will start flying around and trying to land on my face. Of course the most annoying bug in the world is going to get me up, and unless I can kill them all I don't see the point in going back to sleep.

So when do flies go to sleep? In the later hours of the day, I spy flies hanging out motionless on the ceiling in no specific place. They don't move, far from their annoying day habits. Perhaps they need a certain amount of light to see enough to be annoying?

Oh, and my gosh where have I been! One of my natural phases, I lost interest in writing...stuff. I garentee it will happen again!

Ugh

2002-09-15T13:53:23Z

I just had the same exact dream with the same exact results two nights in a row. The only difference is when the dream woke me up this time, I didn't go back to sleep. I woke up with a 101 fever (I happen to have a wierd...cold), no voice, gasping for air. Here I thought I was at the tail end of whatever I picked up.

The is nothing really special about the dream, nothing ominous or preminitious. I know that in a couple hours my temp will go back down, did yesterday. I am attributing this wierd dream event to fever.

I would go back to sleep, but fevered sleep is no fun at all. I will wait until I feel a bit better and take a nap. I was supposed to go out today, but I'm not too sure if I'd trust me driving 80 miles with this...whatever I have. I should stay in, it's the right thing to do.

Ugh

2002-09-06T07:27:08Z

People piss me off.

I am now known as Kevin, the white collar professional who can't even get a pizza delivery job.

Quick update

2002-09-04T06:38:03Z

I have been out and about on personal buisness (Labor Day!), so nothing much new to write of here =)

I am narrowing down the details of the first scene, so far it has gone through 3 iterations. Note these aren't drafts, just random scribbles and thoughts. I want to get everything right before presenting anything, which could take a while.

Also want to let you kow that despite my lack of writing them down here, I am still having my dreams =)

Okay, semi-solution!

2002-08-30T02:36:21Z

I am going to change my direction here, start working on a story a bit closer to home. It won't require the level of imagination needed for my other story since I can base it on real places!

Eat that!

Cross fingers for me =)

Where has Motovation Gone?

2002-08-28T02:52:28Z

This is why my old good friend always told me she'd never date me. I have no ambition, at least in certain areas of my life. The grande schema is still there, but the little goals I create for myself always seem to evaporate and reconstitute on a very predictable timescale. Take this story for example. I start working on it and hit the same hurdle every time: I stink and setting scenes. It's picture perfect in my mind's eye, but translating those thousands of words pictures represent is a daughting task for me.

Writing isn't the only thing in my life with this pattern. I will do something until I reach the same roadblock, give up, then a year or so later make the same attempt again. The only thing that changes with the writing is my story becomes more refined, more believable. Maybe I'm not ready, maybe in the years to come the creative lightning I need will strike.

My old gal pal kinda confused money with ambition. She couldn't accept my life's goal was to become an old hermit in Oregon with a house near the ocean. I have no money goal, no family goal, no real goals between here and there.

I suppose I will just coast through life at my own pace, invisible to the rest of the world, like I have been for the past ** years. That's me, that's who I am. You now know more about me than most of the people in my life.

Creating a World

2002-08-25T06:57:25Z

So I am conjuring up ideas and slowly getting them down on paper, the methodical approach to a believable world as a base for a story I have been wanting to write for a couple years now.

In the course of familiarizing myself with this world, I am going to be writing many short stories. I might post some of them here, haven't decided yet. The story is in two sections, and if I reveal too much info here it might give away a few of the interesting twists.

I suppose I could focus on social interactions =) Or maybe I could do teasers. Then again, I could lose my motovation and never post anything at all!

An image of last night's dream

2002-08-24T16:03:11Z

If I had to sum up last night's dream in one image, it'd be the ocean at midday.

So we have these friends who like to travel around in their RV. We don't see them too often, and when we do it always seems too short. They get sick, or need to be somewhere soon. All our visits seem to be pool parties, which I can't really argue with.

This visit was an ocean party! Except...they were barely ever around. Actually, it's kindof wrong for me to base the dream description on our interaction with them, but the prevailing thoughts surround them so here I am! My sister, Dad and myself are there with a bunch of kids playing water volleyball with water baloons. I don't understand the scoring system of this game, but I seem to be on the winning team.

There are other strange ideas surrounding this dream, some most likely from another dream I can't fully recall. This morning I had no intention of writing my dream out so remembering wasn't my waking thought. Lets just say inspiration came a few minutes ago.

So look forward to a new dream in full tomorrow!

Adjusting priorities!

2002-08-19T06:46:21Z

Being a man, I sometimes feel the need to focus out ...everything... and form a near autistic focus on a single task or subject. When I do this I tend to ignore other people, place food and drink on a lower level of importance, pace, call many people and not beat around the bush as to what I need.

I need a job in an industry that isn't doing much hiring. Unlike many in the field, I left my previous position volunterily to take care of my mother. I made sure I'd have enough money to last me a year of unemployment. My year long stash lost 65% of it's value in the recent market woes. I am stuck at a crossroads now, cash in my chips and take the loss or get a job so I don't have to touch my investments. If I run out of money my cats will starve! But I fear not, my focus has arrived! *drags out phone book*

For the wonderer and wanderer!

2002-08-13T04:02:20Z

I spent the last week or so house sitting for a friend, and haven't really been in the writers mood for the past week. I will update again when I feel so inspired!

Interesting read

2002-08-04T17:55:46Z

My name is Jack. I was born in the 18th century and still live today though few know where. My closest friends died centuries ago, thinking me all but dead. Had they been in trouble and called on me I would have assisted. Of course they never stuck their necks out either, moving from place to place just fast enough not to upset authorities.

So what is this ordeal I speak of so casually? Just a simple task that started a following. History would have me dead, slain by the blades of two detectives while attempting escape. While those two know I survived in an arcane sense, they never said anything.

But I get ahead of myself. As I said before, my name is Jack...

It was my 20th year while I attended university when I first heard him. A haunting voice, asking me to do strange, simple things. For a while I ignored this voice, continuing my studies. It was here I met my good friend William, and we had grand times at the tavern wasting our lives away. Peddlers would come through town every so often, bringing spices and herbs from far away lands, and leaving before authorities could arrest them. We would experient with plants from other lands, learning their various effects on our minds and bodies. At once we decided that oncedone here we could cast away our trappings and bring these plants to the rest of the world so all would experience their magical effect.

The voice became stronger now, so ignoring it was no longer an option. It was soft, familiar, trusting, I had no reason to ignore it. To satisfy my curiosityI completed a few of these minor tasks. As time went on the tasks became more complicated, soon taking me away from William and our dream. He did not mind, as his studies kept him busy. My studies...had become second to the voice. I had become secretive in my doings, wearing colors hard to see and acting only at night. Already my actions had caught the attention of hunters and detectives for theft various artifacts.

My doings have also been rewarded with gifts. Not the normal gifts one would expect, like truffles or silk, but...abilities. I feel light now, and appear to some as though I fly. These gifts come at opportune times, just as I seem to need them for escape they are bestowed upon me.

Then one night I had been given a task which seemed more like a riddle to me. "Go to the place once a church and find a jewel which glows at night." Simple enough I would say, and my sights immediatly hone on a familiar building just outside the university district. For the longest time I had wondered what lie within those halls behind the strange, tiny door. Perhaps when I approach the door I will be given a gift which will allow me to change my size. Wouldn't that be grand! Alas it was not so, so I travelled to the rear and entered the normal sized back door. I was not in for very long before I heard voices yelling outside. I had been discovered, and a local farmer rallied assistance. Turning, I see a woman decending the stairs to find me inside, and I take off. Just in time as well, those two detectives, the ones burned into my memory for enternity, had responded to his call.

Of course I could have just taken flight and been gone, but too many people had seen my face now for things ever to be the same. William would hear of this and shame me. I would never be safe in the city again. Perhaps out of spite I took aim at one of the detectives and fired a round from my pistol in the detectives direction. When the shot veers off target, striking a woman, I knew I had only made things worse. I would now be bountied and a sport be made of my corpse.

Perhaps my despair made it difficult to harness my abilities to aid in escape. A few blocks away the detectives had easily overtaken me. They thrust their blades through my skin, not satisied until the very moment they pierced my heart.

It should have been over that moment, yet I only became numb to the pain. They looked in awe as I rose again, paying their blades no mind. One would have exoected me to lash back at them now, but I was still too far in despair. I spoke to them now, "I know I have wronged the people here. Let it be known that tonight I have fallen by your blade and the evil within me released so no flesh remained. I will leave this place now and never return, for shame is all I would find."

My essence lifted high above, and without much thought drifted north. Many months passed before I had will enough to eat. Cold meat, rotten fruits, if only my body weren't shattered I could find a tavern and a warm clean meal.

In my wanderings I happened upon a large mask, a helmet shaped like a carnival mask actually. I placed this over my face and found some rags to cover my broken body, and found my way to an inn. The people here paid me no heed, no glances at the strange man wearing the hideos mask. Only when I looked in a mirror did I understand. Looking back at me was a whole man, a skin tone I was wholly unfamiliar with. It was as if the night had grown beneith my skin, changing my features and colors. My wounds, gone. What wonderous magic!

I spent many nights here, working for room and board. One night a man wondered in, glancing about the crowd looking for someone perhaps. Instictivly I hid, thinking him perhaps a detective or hunter. I did not wish to feel those blades again. Of course he would look right my direction, easy to notice a dark skinned man in a sea of light. My thoughts raced, preparing to take flight, to raise my pistol again. The man approached my table and genstures to a chair. He is asking me without words if he may sit.

"I was told a dark skinned man would be here and that he would understand," he says. It takes me a moment to gather myself, and before long my curiousity had hold.

"What would you have me understand good Sir?" I say, trying to remain cautious.

He pauses, I can sense he is trying to say something he was been unwilling or unable to say to others. I know what he is about to say! I don't know how, but I can feel he has this voice in his head asking him to...find a dark man at this tavern and ask him something.

So I pre-empt him. "Yes, I know of what you don't which to speak. You would be more confortable not saying, so don't. A drink?" I motion for the barmaid.

Relieved and not a bit suprised, "Many thanks, twice perhaps. Yes, a drink would help quite a bit."

I let the night come, enough time for food to fill our stomachs and drink flow through our blood. It was when the last people were retiring that he finally made mention of the task he would ask me to do. I must say it came as quite a shock to me.

"This Spring my family and I and making the voyage to America. I have been told that your blood is strong, and that I should take your prodigy with us on the voyage. I have a daughter who came of age two Springs past, and I would have you seed her before we go."

What an odd request. Surely no such request had ever been made of me when the voice haunted my every waking thought.

"...I would not have you marry, I only require your seed. I beg of you."

While I'm sure you would enjoy my recounting this experience, my voilation of this girl is something even I wish not recount. I have been stabbed, starved, frozen and burned, yet they don't compare to the pain I caused this child.

Days after they boarded ship to the Americas, the voice returned to me. For all the ill I have mentioned about this voice above, I found it comforting now. You wonder what it asks of me now? The same it did the day I died.

It's command over me was absolute, and I did not question returning to the land I had left almost a year ago. Would they all remember me? Would William be a scholar now, or purhaps continuing our spice buisness? Were the detectives now heros or perhaps crucified for bringing a fanciful tale instead of my body?

The first thing I noticed uppon entering the university area was the weathered cross atop a university tower. A building once a church! How dreadfully obvious! I find the jewel there, an emerald set in silver. The voice which had echoed in my mind for so long now died, and left me with a priceless gem.

I am still confused about what happened next. In a dream perhaps a manbeast came to me. I ask him why he had misled me to my death only to let me live. He says to me that I will live forever as his greatest servant, and that I was free until he should need me once again. The jewel was gone now. I had hoped to use it to jump start mine and William's spice trade.

Yes, I had met with William again and explained the events of the year since my death. After some effort he realized I was not a ranting fool, but his friend true. We set about a plan to buy lands to the east where we would seed our own spices, and bring them to all the towns of europa. After the harvest season we would travel from city to city, spending just enough time to stay under the scrutiny of local authorities. Our festivals became well known to the gypsy peoples, even had thousands of people following our caravans between cities.

We had aged many years before returning to our university. Chance would have it that one of the detectives who had once sent his blade through my flesh had now found the pleasures of spice, and when our eyes met he knew. He simply hailed me as kin and continued, pehaps trying to avoid what could have been rather awkward. I was content just knowing something else from my past had survived.

Many years passed. While I did age, it was nowhere as fast as my good friend William. We now had kin to move our caravans and sell our goods, so we spent most our time in spas and baths.

While I am sure you'd love to hear all that happened from then to now, like the death of my friend or my meeting my child of sin on a visit to the Americas, unfortunately....

My dream ended there!

*smiles* It was fun to write, I hope you enjoyed.

Wow...

2002-08-02T15:21:28Z

Okay, I absolutely have to write down this dream. It is a repeat of one of my most amazing apocalyptic dreams ever. Absolutely stunning, and this time things end a bit different.

We watch everything unfold on the news from home, me and my sister. Some kind of meteorite has fallen from the sky and landed out in the middle of the ocean. It decended slow, so there has no imact. It's just out there floating. Scientists are studying it, thousands of boats are out around it just to see. They find some kind of power massing within it's center and predict that in the next 48 hours it will have massed enough power to send a shockwave across the entire planet surface. They say that a shockwave of this magnitude would have few survivors.

We find our way to a shelter, surrounding ourselves with many friends. I see people I haven't seen in a long time, nor do I really care. An old crush is there as well, and I can't keep my eyes off her of course. Someone from some government agency comes in to check on everyone, and asks the group if anyone had some special form of computer experience. I said I did, and I found myself in charge of setting up a monitoring station in the hils above the city. I found a few others, specifically people with large amounts of computer equipment and resources, and our little station grew quick.

There was a whole scenero with one of the people I drafted and a prostitute. The man in charge of the station, the government guy who tagged me, was looking for some action so he hired a pro. She comes and the first things she sees is that guy I brought with me with tons of computer equipment. They share mixed glances, and I ask him whats up once the two leave. He turns on the TV, which is full of reports on this meteor, and sticks in a tape. It's a home video, and this prostitue is in there as a child. I ask him if she is an old childhood friend, and he says that she is actually his girlfriend and they even live together. Oooookay.

So we are back watching the news. Scientists are trying to find a way to stop the buildup of energy inside the big rock, including drilling into the side. This has disasterous effects and many people die. For a moment we all thought that was it, that the end was coming. I am not sure the exact moment, but me and my sister decide to leave town and find our way to the waters around the meteor. There is an explosion, it sends out a large wave from the base of the rock. Without having time to ask if that was it, it came. A huge shockwave lifted water and rock from the earth up into the air, moving towards us fast. I feel myself being lifted up and dropped, and falling.

But now I am on the water's surface again, with me is my sister and some little girl I have no idea about. My sister asks if I am okay to swim, I say yeah. The girl says yeah to, but judging by how much effort she is putting into swimming, I doubted she'd make the trip. My sister asks me again if I am okay to swim, and we begin the long trip home.

We reach land and, wow, everything is different. A few smaller buildings still stood, and parts of some remain standing. I don't see any dead, but I don't see any living either. It appears like the ground itself had erupted and thrown...everything everywhere. You'd have to had seen it.

So we find our way back home to find things a little better. Many of the people from the shelter surived, many more and found swimming in. That gu with the computer equipment survives, don't recall seeing his prostitute girlfriend. My old crush is there, and again I can't keep my eyes off her though she never glances my way.

All in all an interesting night. At least in this repeat someone survives. The last time I had this dream, which might be the first, the dream ended when the thing exploded, and I never was in the water surrounding it.

Blah

2002-07-31T17:05:45Z

I am slowly recovering from my blah mood.

Every few months I go thourgh a few hours of depression. It's a normal cycle. It then takes a while for my writing desire to return.

Had a very interesting dream last night! Not dark, had funny people wearing funny costumes! The night before I was woken early by my job hunting friend, so couldn't recall anything.

Have a great day =-)

Themes

2002-07-29T15:50:26Z

Instead of going into great detail on last night's dream, I am going to duscuss a topic within dreams.

After having written down numerous dreams and learing methods of remembering them, I have found one theme common in almost all my dreams, the competition. Last night was a large scale competition with grand prizes. There were announcers, and there were many events. It was well organized.

Another theme which pops up often is the dark and dry setting.

Okay, I hit writer's block. Time to take a break. This is why I didn't want to write out my entire dream, I am in that non-writing mood.

kmwill23 @ 2002-07-28T10:33:00

2002-07-28T17:35:10Z

Thing that annoys me 101

An obviously intelligent person who is unable to change their views.

No continuation!

2002-07-28T17:32:33Z

I find myself in an old fashioned hospital like house, recovering from some kind of injury. I spend a few lonely nights there before I am able to rise and explore a bit, and I am extrememly happy when I do. I find next door an extrememly beautiful woman, here for the same reasons as I. I am starting to think there was some kind of illness going around.

All the others here are jealous that this woman wants to spend the night in my room. We never do anything nasty, but we do a lot of talking. I have this feeling she is someone important, and I offer to protect her from something. I don't really find out what until a bit later.

After a few weeks rest I find strength restored. I have a couple other really good friends now, and we vow to protect the people here from some kind of Evil in the halls below the building. So we go down there in attempt to clean up this Evil. I see before me a long spiraling ramp going down, and can barely see the bottom. I see something moving swiftly up that ramp to greet us, and we split up to meet this thing on our own terms. Come to find it doesn't follow me, and I begin walking down the ramp.

The danger here, the thing we fear, is that with prolonged exsposure to these Evils we will lose control of ourselves and join them. I am not sure the fate of my two friends, but I do remember seeing images of them being taken.

I reach the bottom and see many people sitting at tables talking and eating. There are a few who move towards me, a round woman with a gray face, a tall man who looks like a vampire, and these two identical twins. SUprisingly the twins are a couple I remember from Elementry school. I am backing away from them as they approach, and I grip the only weapon I have: A pack with nothing in it. How fearful. Anyway, as I am swinging at the woman we begin talking about chocolate. I find myself jumping across tables while swinging and holding this conversation. I remember her saying something about how it is illegal to talk too much about chocolate. I apoligize!

So now the scene shifts more towards the twins, the man and woman are sitting down. One of the twins keeps appproaching me, trying to grab me. Each time I hurt him in a manner a normal man would die from, and each time I go back to the man, woman and his twin saying "I am really glad you guys heal fast".

I wish I would see that woman again damnit. Okay, so I still have that instictual drive to find a mate, sue me.

The scene completely changes, as does plot. This one is kinda funny. My Mom and her boyfriend are in the dream. We are all in a car driving through heavy traffic. My Mom gets annoyed with the traffic and begins going around it illegally, running through lights, making illegal turns, you name it she does it. Well, one illegal left turn a cop happened to be on the oppsite side. We get pulled over, and she (the cop) tells me my Mom is drunk and will be arrested. The arrest never happens, as we keep arguing about my Mom not having anything to drink.

That's it!

Half a dream...

2002-07-28T12:51:39Z

For some strange reason I fully woke very early this morning. After I write this down I am going to sleep again, but I figured since this dream was fresh I'd get it out of me. I feel it was interrupted though, so I will continue writing later and tell you if the dream continues.

I find myself in a medeival style fortress town. The scene isn't dark and dreary like most of my dreams, but it is nighttime. I remember seeing buildings and the huge fortress walls. I stayed at an inn one night.

Why am I here? Apparently I am supposed to raise some kind of army to fight off invaders. My army ends up being a legion of dead warriors. I see them marching the field to meet an opposing army, fight, and win the battle.

The scene changes, I find myself in a cramped, damp cave like area. I have been crawling in cold mud for a couple hours now. Finally I find someone who helps me through the crawlspace. We talk about this place, about how many times we have been here. I know the caves well. It's cold, I can't feel my feet or hands. I find my leader in a room in this place.

He mentions to me that even though I wasn't crawling in the mud with them the past few nights, what I did in the town was just as important as what they are doing here. I mentioned how unlike them I got to sleep in a warm bed the other night, I felt guilty.

That's all so far. I will write again if it continues.